Many couples are surprised to learn the following divorce statistics:
- First marriage, 50% divorce rate
- Second marriage, 67% divorce rate
- Third marriage, 74% divorce rate
Why do divorce rates increase rather than decrease after the first marriage?
Perhaps individuals get more comfortable with divorce after they initially “break the taboo” by ending their first marriage. It’s easier to take the second drink after you’ve already taken the first. However, there are often more complex factors at play.
“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” This lyric from the Who classic, “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” describes a familiar pattern for many individuals. They tend to (unintentionally) marry the same person twice—although the unpleasant traits of the “new boss” may not become evident until a few years into the second, or third, marriage.
Without realizing it, people are often attracted to the same negative characteristics, over and over again, in their romantic partners. There are many reasons for this, such as “accidentally” seeking out negative traits of one’s parents in a potential partner. All too often, what people refer to as chemistry is really the powerful spark generated by the presence of a deeply familiar (yet unconsciously recognized) flaw. If dad was a “bad boy,” you may find yourself dating one bad boy after another. If mom was hypercritical, you may discover yourself in a string of relationships with highly critical women.
Couples counseling, and counseling in general, can help you recognize previously hidden, self-defeating patterns. Like the Russian philosopher, G. I. Gurdjieff, said:
“If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison.”
In addition to traditional couples counseling, DWLC is now offering Couples Intensives. The Couples Intensives are guided by both Dr. Heather and James Robbins, providing the couple with both male and female perspectives. Intensives are offered in three formats:
- 1 Hour: $300
- 3 Hour: $850
- 6 Hour: $1500