People are often drawn to romantic partners that balance their own qualities in some way. For example, if you are a spontaneous person, you may be attracted to someone who is especially structured. If you are a chronic worrier, you may be attracted to someone who is especially calm. In this sense, opposites often attract…. CONTINUE
Dealing with Repeated Cheating and Infidelity
Every “serial cheater” requires a “serial truster.” If your partner is repeatedly unfaithful, feeling like a victim won’t get you anywhere. Neither will looking the other way again and again. You don’t get points for ignoring the obvious. Looking the other way doesn’t make you generous or kind–it just makes you avoidant of the truth…. CONTINUE
Are You Fooling Yourself?
I’m so over it. Anyone who say this is, by definition, not over it. Therapists call this a reaction formation. Suppose you start a new job, only to discover your new boss is kind of an obvious jerk. But now you’re stuck with this guy. So maybe you do your best to convince yourself you admire his arrogance or enjoy his “colorful”… CONTINUE
Suffering is Optional
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not. What’s the difference? You stub your toe. A wave of unpleasant physical sensation radiates from your toe, up your leg, and out your mouth in the form of a colorful exclamation. The whole things is over within seconds. This is pain. But then your internal dialogue starts up. You… CONTINUE
Why So Much Drama?
You say you want less drama in your life. Yet you find yourself in one dramatic scenario after another. What gives? Generally speaking, drama isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something you invite into your life, albeit unconsciously. When you truly desire a low-drama lifestyle, you will have a low-drama lifestyle. The first step is recognizing the ways in which you create and… CONTINUE
Finding Your Center
I have conducted hundreds of Rolling Stone interviews. In my mind. This was a favorite pastime in my early twenties. While standing in line at the grocery store, or stuck in rush hour traffic, I would enjoy extensive imaginary discussions of my grand musical powers. James, can you please tell Rolling Stone readers how you first came to realize you… CONTINUE
Recognizing Your True Priorities
What are your priorities? People tend to view this as a philosophical question. They tend to define their priorities based on their belief systems. 9 out of 10 people will tell you their number one priority is their family. But what if you set aside your belief system for moment, and approach this question in… CONTINUE
Changing versus Accepting
Suppose you want to eat less chocolate cake. You can put 100% energy and focus into this issue. You can read about the hazards of chocolate cake. You can visit with a nutritionist. You can keep the refrigerator stocked with vegetables. Or you can go the other way. You can recognize that eating chocolate cake… CONTINUE
How Much Should You Trust Authority Figures?
Growing up, I tended to mistrust authority figures. This hasn’t changed much since I’ve become a so-called authority figure. Just because someone has a counseling degree on his wall doesn’t make him wise. Just because someone wears a white coat doesn’t make her healthy. Just because someone wears a badge doesn’t make him just. We… CONTINUE
Making Bad Behavior Work for You
You do certain things you feel good about, things you don’t mind the whole world knowing. You eat broccoli every day, for example. Strictly for the sake of communication, let’s call these “good deeds.” And you do certain things you don’t feel so great about, things you’d rather not publicize. You eat a dozen donuts every… CONTINUE
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