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Surviving an Affair

Surviving an Affair | Dallas Whole Life Counseling

April 23, 2017 by James Robbins, M.A., LPC

Learning your partner has cheated on you is a woozy blow to the gut. Can a committed, long-term relationship really survive an affair? Without a doubt. In fact, many relationships come back from infidelity stronger than ever. Affairs bring issues long swept beneath the relationship rug out into the light of day. How you deal with these issues is crucial. Genuinely working through and moving beyond an affair requires both parties accept responsibility for the state of the relationship.

The first question to ask is this: Should your relationship survive? If your partner has cheated on you before, this may be a pattern. Serial cheaters don’t change. If your partner is a serial cheater, you should leave–or accept that he or she is going to cheat on you repeatedly in the future. That’s you taking responsibility. Fooling yourself into thinking your habitually dishonest partner is going to turn over a new leaf and start telling the truth is just that: fooling yourself.

If your partner isn’t a repeat offender, what is your responsibility? Can you let go of self-righteousness? The key is not to focus on “forgiveness” so much as improving the relationship. This means working on yourself, being 100% honest with yourself. If you can set your ego aside, if you can give up your “right” to point fingers, an affair can be a powerful wakeup call. But if nothing changes other than the unfaithful partner being “in trouble,” then the same thing is even more likely to happen again down the road.

Filed Under: About Us, Articles, Blog, Inspiration, Newsletter, Relationship Tagged With: affair, cheater, cheating, infidelity, James Robbins, relationship

About James Robbins, M.A., LPC

James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.

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  • Practicing Vulnerability in Your Relationships
  • What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
  • Using Distraction as an Avoidance of Emotion
  • Tips for Managing Daily Activities while Struggling with Depression
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