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Does Having Children Increase Marital Satisfaction?

July 17, 2014 by James Robbins, M.A., LPC

Not usually. The majority of studies indicate that marital satisfaction significantly declines for most couples after having children.

Couple on Couch Not TalkingThis is truer for women than men. In Dr. John Gottman’s well-known research at the University of Washington, 67% of women reported declining satisfaction with their marriage after having children (Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 59-70). Although the first few months after birth are often periods of intense joy and excitement, the uplift is typically temporary, as patterns within marriages tend to take a turn for the worse by the child’s first birthday. Several studies suggest that the lowest point for couples with children is during the teenage years, when the children are still living at home.

Are there ways to keep your marriage strong after having children?

According to the annual report, The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America, the top three factors that maintain relationship satisfaction after becoming parents are:

  • Sexual satisfaction.
  • Commitment.
  • Expressing affection, willingness to forgive, and performing “small acts of service” for one another, such as getting your partner a cup of coffee.

Mom and ChildI always emphasize to couples that it’s essential to firmly establish these patterns before having children. If you’re not satisfied with your sex life before having kids, you’re not going to be satisfied afterward. If you’re not already 100% convinced of your partner’s commitment to the relationship before becoming a parent, nothing about having kids is going to magically fix this. Remember that there are wonderful and profoundly compelling reasons to become parents, but be SURE you are ready, and carefully consider whether your relationship is in a place to make the most of starting a family.

Please contact us if you would like more guidance regarding marital adjustment to family planning, pregnancy and parenthood. Visit us on Facebook to learn more.

Filed Under: Blog, Education, Newsletter Tagged With: affection, birth, children, commitment, couples, Dr. John Gottmn, forgieness, Journal of Family Psychology, marital satisfaction, marriage, Marriage in America, parents, relationship satisfaction, research, sexual satisfaction, The State of Our Unions, University of Washington

About James Robbins, M.A., LPC

James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.

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Latest Blog Posts

  • Practicing Vulnerability in Your Relationships
  • What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
  • Using Distraction as an Avoidance of Emotion
  • Tips for Managing Daily Activities while Struggling with Depression
  • Friendships: How to manage your boundaries and enjoy them more!

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Dallas, Texas 75240
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