Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no… CONTINUE
3 Keys to a Successful Relationship
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC Collectively, my wife and I share about 40 years experience working with couples from all walks of life. We were recently talking shop, discussing what factors we see most consistently in the happiest, healthiest couples. Here are the Big Three: Steady chemical base Here, I’m calling a “chemical” anything you consume. Medication,… CONTINUE
Should You Plan Your Next Argument?
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC When is your next argument scheduled? I often ask this question of couples, but it also applies to families, co-workers, friends. You argue the most with the people closest to you, and most of these arguments follow a fairly predictable pattern. I know, I know–you don’t plan these arguments. But… CONTINUE
The Relationship Prison
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC Suppose you wake up in a prison cell, where you discover your only cell mate: the person you got you sentenced to prison, and for a crime you didn’t commit. What’s the fair thing to do? The fair thing is for your cell mate to take responsibility, to say “I… CONTINUE
Show Appreciation — Even if You Have to Fake it at First
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC If you’re in a serious romantic relationship and you’re not complimenting your partner every day, you’re missing the low-hanging fruit. Relationships are hard work, but this part can be easy–if you let it. So your spouse can’t keep a job. This is a problem. But your spouse also makes… CONTINUE
How Couples Counseling Helps Couples Work Through Issues
Couples counseling helps couples work through their issues in a number of ways. For example, when most couples come to counseling they’ve experienced some issues, some struggles around communication, they find that they’re in some stale issues where they just go round and round in arguments. What we refer to in couples counseling are scripts… CONTINUE
Is Communication Really the Problem?
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC In the fifteen years I’ve been working with couples, the vast majority of initial couples sessions begin the same way. We’ve been together X years, and we really love each other. When things are good, they’re really good–but when things are bad they’re really bad. Lately, small fights turns into… CONTINUE
Right Here, Right Now: Can You Show Me Where It Hurts?
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC In this exact moment, what seems to be the problem? Can you show me here it hurts? Money issues? I hear you. But right now, if you could triple the money in your bank account, what good would it do you? Would you be reading this on a bigger screen?… CONTINUE
Is Your Love Life All Business?
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC The vast majority of romantic relationships are transactional. Consider the most traditional marital “transaction.” The male is the sole breadwinner. He provides financially for the family, keeps everyone physically safe and protects the family from the stresses “out there.” In turn, the female addresses challenges closer to home, the “in… CONTINUE
How to Win Arguments — Or At Least Lose Them More Effectively
A certain amount of arguing is essential to the health of any long-term relationship. If you’re not arguing with your significant other from time to time, your relationship may not be growing. At the same time, daily arguing about the same pet topic accomplishes nothing. How can you trade-in negative fighting with positive growth? Take a look… CONTINUE