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Are You Defensive?

Are You Defensive - Dallas Whole Life Counseling

November 15, 2018 by James Robbins, M.A., LPC

What does it mean to be defensive? You have your personal story.

I’m a hard working person just trying to avoid drama.

Or

I’m a kind and nurturing person who gets taken advantage of.

You’ve cobbled together your story over time, you’ve worked hard to build this thing from the rubble of your life experience, and now you want to protect it. You view everything that happens to you through this lens. When someone or something comes along and challenges the truth of this story, you lash out or you curl up or you down a handful of margaritas.

Here’s the tricky part: Generally speaking, the more defensive you are, the less likely you are to think of yourself as defensive. And your oldest, most deeply rooted defenses are often the hardest to recognize. Anger, anxiety, guilt, envy, helplessness, boredom, resentment. These defensive feelings cling to areas of your life where you’re uncertain, where your identity is somehow in question. But these negative feelings don’t help you overcome real life challenges so much as they try to reinforce your personal story. Sometimes it’s less about fixing whatever problem than it is expanding, updating your personal story. True security comes less from compulsively strengthening the castle walls than it does bravely venturing further and further from the castle.

Filed Under: Blog, Inspiration Tagged With: defensive

About James Robbins, M.A., LPC

James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.

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Latest Blog Posts

  • Practicing Vulnerability in Your Relationships
  • What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
  • Using Distraction as an Avoidance of Emotion
  • Tips for Managing Daily Activities while Struggling with Depression
  • Friendships: How to manage your boundaries and enjoy them more!

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Sundays: Closed

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13355 Noel Road, Suite 1100
Dallas, Texas 75240
*Licensed phone and video sessions available in Texas.

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