Most people like to think of themselves as open-minded. Yet the vast majority of people are anything but. Why is this? The Imperfect Circle There is a sacred symbol associated with Zen. Enso (formally spelled ensō) is an incomplete circle, traditionally drawn with a single spontaneous brushstroke. Enso can be interpreted in a lot of… CONTINUE
When in Doubt, Choose Connectedness
Like it or not, you are connected at an intimate biological level with everyone that comes across your path. Suppose I find myself on an elevator with a stranger. Maybe I’m feeling stressed that day, so my breathing is faster, more shallow. I’m nervously shifting from foot to foot. Studies show that this tends to… CONTINUE
Recognizing and Treating Depression
Suppose you have a pebble in your shoe. Despite this nagging distraction, you try your best to make your life work. You get a massage, drink a margarita, fall in love, win the lottery. You do what you do, but still there is this pebble in your shoe. Now suppose you’ve always had a pebble… CONTINUE
Mindful Eating, Mindful Living
Mindful eating isn’t so much about what you’re eating. It’s how you go about eating it. When my wife and I lived in the Netherlands, going out to eat was initially a little uncomfortable. Amsterdam is a small city, so space is tight. Many restaurants seated us practically should-to-shoulder with complete strangers. Coming form the… CONTINUE
Compassion: The Key to Self-Growth
When I was ten or so, I heard a story that still sticks with me. A man was on a plane, flying home after traveling all week for work. Utterly exhausted, he hoped to get a couple of hours sleep before returning to his family. Just as he was nodding off, two little girls seated… CONTINUE
Does Success Truly Satisfy?
As a therapist, I’ve had the opportunity to work with individuals who have achieved remarkable success in a variety of life areas. When I consider this collection of unusually successful individuals, I ask myself a question: What is the true value of success? When people achieve their most ambitious goals, they come face-to-face with a… CONTINUE
Why Do People Choose the Wrong Romantic Partners?
“Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member.” When comedian Groucho Marx wrote this, he was expressing a peculiar, yet very common, human trait. A lot of individuals reflexively distrust people that truly appreciate them. As a therapist, I see this a lot… CONTINUE
Does Dishonesty Work?
Is honesty really the best policy? Set aside morality and ethics for a moment. Let’s just consider whether honesty is the best strategy for getting what you want out of life. Upside of Dishonesty The main benefit of dishonesty is it gives you a seeming advantage over another person. Take cheating, for example. When you’re… CONTINUE
Is Being “Special” the Key to Self-Worth?
When I was in my twenties, I did my best to dress like a rock star. I thought of myself as a true original, and I wore clothes I imagined clearly announced my “specialness” to the world around me. I felt superior to people who wore a suit and tie to work. They were just… CONTINUE
The Wisdom of Letting Go
Living a fulfilling life is less abut holding on than it is letting go. Letting go of what? First, it’s about letting go of your long-held ideas about the way things should be. It takes clarity, determination and courage to recognize how things really are. If you need to make changes you make changes–but you… CONTINUE
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