You want more from your romantic partner in your relationship. More time, more attention, more respect, more love, more understanding. How do you get your romantic partner to give you more of what you need and want? You give your partner more of what he or she needs and wants. Most couples go in the… CONTINUE
Romantic Relationships and Family Stunt Doubles
Romantic relationships are shaped by family history–sometimes in seemingly crazy-making ways. Suppose your mother was a talented cook, and you have fond childhood memories of spending time with her in the kitchen. It would make sense if, as an adult in a romantic relationship, you enjoy preparing meals for you and your partner. This is… CONTINUE
What’s it Really Worth?
If you’ve ever watched a show like Pawn Stars or Antique Roadshow, you’re familiar with this scene: Someone brings in what he thinks to be a priceless family heirloom, only to learn it’s a cheap trinket his grandfather bought at a gas station. Some people accept this new information and get on with their lives…. CONTINUE
Are You Dreaming on the Job?
Have you ever had this dream? You’re back in school, trying to find your old classroom. When you finally manage to tuck yourself back into your old desk, you’re staring at an exam for which you didn’t prepare. To make matters worse, the words keep squirming around on the page, or your pencil turns into… CONTINUE
How Do You Find What You’re Looking For?
You come home from a long day, sit down on the couch and relax into some television. A couple of hours later, you realize you’ve misplaced your car keys. You assume they must be in the couch. You dig around beneath the cushions. You lift up the couch and poke your head underneath. Still no… CONTINUE
Predicting Your Next A-Ha Moment
From time to time you have a-ha moments. You can’t exactly make them happen. You can’t necessarily avoid them. There’s an element of surprise, of sudden understanding–hence a-ha! Suppose you’re confused about how modern lighting works. You think that a magic spell makes your light bulb turn on when you flip the switch. Then someone… CONTINUE
Personal Limits and Hidden Benefits
Imagine two professional shoplifters. One is agile, the other clumsy. Both do their best to steal as much as possible, but the agile thief is much better at his trade. Which shoplifter is more ethical? You could say the less skilled thief is more ethical, albeit by accident. He manages to steal less, so he… CONTINUE
Want to Drink Less Alcohol? Making Lasting Changes by Crowding Out.
Crowd out, don’t cut out. This is a core strategy of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It’s a way of facilitating positive change in your life, especially when it comes to letting go of unwanted habits. Suppose I say to you, “Do whatever you’d like, just don’t think about a red-eyed polar bear.” Now all… CONTINUE
Should You Go Above and Beyond in Your Interactions?
Used to be when I sat down for a haircut, I’d feel the need to make small talk. I’m not the biggest fan of small talk — but I felt an unspoken obligation to somehow entertain the person cutting my hair. So I’d compulsively chat about the weather, lawn care, freeway traffic patterns, whatever, until the… CONTINUE
Who’s Winning Your Relationship?
Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no… CONTINUE
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