Are You Using Positivity or Negativity to Connect with Others?

At their core, most people are insecure. They feel they are not interesting enough or valuable enough to a social group to truly contribute something positive. Instead, they try to identify someone or something the group can agree to be “better than.” But when people bond through complaining, they are not genuinely getting to know one another. Most complaints communicate very little actual content. It’s almost as if the complainer is just making noises so that the rest of the group will answer back with the same reassuring noises. If you want to establish a deeper connection, you have to be somewhat vulnerable. People can’t get to know the real you unless you’re willing to risk being real.

Positive Bonding

Next time you find yourself talking to your family, friends or co-workers, notice how causally negativity keeps coming up. Maybe it’s something as simple as complaining about the weather or highway traffic. Notice your own tendency to join in with these complaints, even if only to be “polite.” Instead, try a positive approach. Talk about what makes you happy. Discuss your passions. Share the things for which you are grateful. Emphasize the things you want more of in your life, not the things you want less of. It’s about being intentional rather than just going through the same old song and dance socially. Like attracts like. When you are in the habit of being positive socially, you will find that more and more positive people are drawn to you.