James Robbins, M.A., LPC
In my twelve years counseling couples, the same issues and patterns come up time and time again. Take a look at my tips below to find out what I’ve said hundreds upon hundreds of times:
- You’re not “better at relationships” than your partner. If you were, you wouldn’t be with that partner.
- Divorce rates for 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriages: 50%, 67%, 74%. So statistically speaking, you’re always more likely to work things out with your current spouse than your next spouse.
- Only take relationship advice from people who have happier relationships than you do.
- If you think your husband is cheating on you, your husband is probably cheating on you.
- It’s hard to escape the negative traits of your parents, even though you think you’re doing exactly that. If your mother was hypercritical, you’re likely hypercritical, or you marry someone who is. If your dad was a workaholic, you’re likely a workaholic, or you marry someone who is.
- Ask for what you do want in your marriage, rather than complaining about what you don’t want.
- Don’t spend a lot of time alone with a member of the opposite sex, other than a family member. This is especially true for your exes and co-workers, but also applies to your longtime friends (even when they are married).
- Your partner didn’t suddenly “change” two years into the marriage. It’s about biology. The extra “in love” chemicals quit pumping around 18 months, so you’ve got to intentionally work on the passion and romance.
- No one thinks of himself/herself as a difficult and unreasonable person. This doesn’t mean you’re not a difficult and unreasonable person.
- Your lies will always, always catch up to you in one form or another.
