If you’ve ever watched a show like Pawn Stars or Antique Roadshow, you’re familiar with this scene: Someone brings in what he thinks to be a priceless family heirloom, only to learn it’s a cheap trinket his grandfather bought at a gas station. Some people accept this new information and get on with their lives…. CONTINUE
How Do You Find What You’re Looking For?
You come home from a long day, sit down on the couch and relax into some television. A couple of hours later, you realize you’ve misplaced your car keys. You assume they must be in the couch. You dig around beneath the cushions. You lift up the couch and poke your head underneath. Still no… CONTINUE
What is Mindfulness?
You have three types of voices in your head: observing, craving, judging. You eat some cake and you notice, this cake is moist. This is your observing voice. Then you think, where can I get more of this delicious cake? This is your craving voice. Three slices of cake later, you conclude I ate too much cake, which means… CONTINUE
The Wisdom of Uncertainty
“I don’t know.” There is incredible power and creative potential in these three little words. Yet it’s in human nature to avoid them like the bubonic plague. By the age of 25, I felt I’d looked into most of life’s Big Questions and come away with some definite answers. By the age of 35, I’d… CONTINUE
Approval Seeking
Few things are less satisfying than the approval of others. Do you want to impress your boss, your neighbors, your friends? Do you want to make your family proud? You can easily spend your whole life chasing a few encouraging words from important people in your life. And even if you do manage to catch… CONTINUE
Beating Your Worst Habit in 30 Days
What’s your worst habit? For the next 30 days, I challenge you to try the following experiment: Measure the habit. If you’re a smoker, how many cigarettes do you smoke each day? If porn is an issue, how many minutes do you use porn daily? If you have an anger problem, how many angry outbursts… CONTINUE
Growing Beyond the Gold Star Mentality
When you’re in kindergarten and you behave well or you accomplish some task you get a gold star. In and of themselves, these gold stars are worthless. But they’re shiny, they represent your teacher’s approval and — perhaps most importantly — you stick them to a prominently displayed chart for your fellow students to see…. CONTINUE
Anything But That
In the 90’s there was a popular song by the artist Meatloaf. I must have heard this song a hundred times, but I only remember one lyric: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. As a therapist, I often find myself having “anything but that” discussions. My clients often say things like:… CONTINUE
Can You Trust Yourself?
Trust yourself. It’s easy to say, hard to do. This is because self-trust has to be earned. How does anyone earn your trust? Is it by always getting things right? Probably not. It’s not mistakes that cause you to mistrust someone. It’s his lying about those mistakes, his covering of tracks. You don’t even have… CONTINUE
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be… CONTINUE
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