It’s not easy to communicate negative feedback in a helpful way. Many people err by going too far in one direction or another. Maybe you go “too soft,” tending to altogether avoid giving negative feedback. Your waiter brings you the wrong dish, but you decide to eat it anyway because you don’t want to cause… CONTINUE
COVID-19: Is There an Upside?
With the outbreak of COVID-19, there have been a lot of challenges, a lot of anxiety, a lot of lifestyle shakeups. But among the many obvious downsides to COVID-19, are there any upsides? I can admit it: I am addicted to my gym. Prior to COVID-19, I was there 6-7 days a week. Cardio, yoga,… CONTINUE
The Fine Art of Being Unproductive: Overcoming The Challenge to Getting Things Done
Hard work is not holy. Without a doubt, being able to work hard when you need to is a virtue. It definitely comes in handy in a variety of life situations. But working hard just because you can, or just because you feel the need to do something, isn’t necessarily a great thing. In fact,… CONTINUE
COVID-19 and Distress Tolerance: 2 Key Ways to Overcome Anxiety
People don’t like uncertainty. We like to control things. We like predictable outcomes. But as COVID-19 has reminded us, certain outcomes are simply beyond our control or ability to predict. In the face of uncertainty, we tend to feel anxious. We want to do something productive. We want to fix the problem. With COVID-19, you… CONTINUE
Anger: Freeing Yourself from the Feedback Loop
Have you ever woke from a dream angry? Even though the events that angered you were imaginary, it can take a while to shake this irrational feeling. Anger hijacks your nervous system. And once it takes over, it tries to keep feeding itself. It’s as if anger gets stored in your body, demanding that you… CONTINUE
Be Your Own Mentor
Think back ten years ago. What was most important to you at that time? What kinds of things did you worry about? How did you feel when you got out of bed each morning? No doubt you’ve learned a lot since then. If you could travel back in time and give your younger self advice,… CONTINUE
What Does it Really Mean to Take Responsibility?
People tend to confuse taking responsibility with accepting shame and guilt. What’s the difference? Recognizing Consequences Taking responsibility is about self-awareness. You admit to yourself that some action you’ve taken has led to pain and suffering for you or someone else. When you realize fire burns your hand, and when you can admit you keep putting your hand… CONTINUE
The Key to Happiness Is Closer Than You Think
As a therapist, I often ask myself a fundamental question: Is there some essential trait or circumstance that my happiest, most well-adjusted clients have in common? It’s certainly not financial success or professional accomplishments. It’s not religious affiliation, or lack thereof. It’s not physical beauty or even health. It’s not having a big supportive family or being… CONTINUE
Managing your Chronic Worry
I have a lousy clothes dryer. When I load it with wet towels, they tumble around for hours and hours, but nothing especially useful happens. The anxious mind works like this. Worrisome thoughts spin round and round, round and round, but they never really get “dry.” More thinking is rarely the answer. Identifying Categories Anxious… CONTINUE
What Can You Learn from Your Best (and Worst) Relationships?
I had a cat who compulsively pawed at her own shadow on the wall. Sometimes this habit seemed to entertain her. Sometimes it seemed to frighten her. The thing was, however frantically she pawed at that shadow, it pawed back just as frantically. My cat never seemed to figure out that the only way to… CONTINUE
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