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Are You Using Positivity or Negativity to Connect with Others?

April 3, 2019 by James Robbins, M.A., LPC

Put 10 complete strangers in a room together and what happens? Most of them start bonding—but through negativity. Can you believe how hot they keep it in this room? Have you seen the idiots in the room next door? The majority of people find it more comfortable to be against something rather than for something. Complaining is the default social strategy for most people trying to join or fit in to a group. But why is this?

The Need to be Better Than

At their core, most people are insecure. They feel they are not interesting enough or valuable enough to a social group to truly contribute something positive. Instead, they try to identify someone or something the group can agree to be “better than.” But when people bond through complaining, they are not genuinely getting to know one another. Most complaints communicate very little actual content. It’s almost as if the complainer is just making noises so that the rest of the group will answer back with the same reassuring noises. If you want to establish a deeper connection, you have to be somewhat vulnerable. People can’t get to know the real you unless you’re willing to risk being real.

Positive Bonding

Next time you find yourself talking to your family, friends or co-workers, notice how causally negativity keeps coming up. Maybe it’s something as simple as complaining about the weather or highway traffic. Notice your own tendency to join in with these complaints, even if only to be “polite.” Instead, try a positive approach. Talk about what makes you happy. Discuss your passions. Share the things for which you are grateful. Emphasize the things you want more of in your life, not the things you want less of. It’s about being intentional rather than just going through the same old song and dance socially. Like attracts like. When you are in the habit of being positive socially, you will find that more and more positive people are drawn to you.

Filed Under: Articles, Blog, Education, Inspiration, Inspiration, Newsletter

About James Robbins, M.A., LPC

James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.

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Latest Blog Posts

  • Practicing Vulnerability in Your Relationships
  • What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
  • Using Distraction as an Avoidance of Emotion
  • Tips for Managing Daily Activities while Struggling with Depression
  • Friendships: How to manage your boundaries and enjoy them more!

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