When to Listen, When to Talk

Some people talk too much. You know who you are.

But over-talking isn’t the problem so much as under-listening. Next time your co-worker asks what you did this weekend, try something different. Rather than treating her to a detailed blow-by-blow of your fishing trip, focus on her weekend. Ask questions. Engage in her life. If she tells you about attending her best friend’s wedding, this is NOT your cue to tell her about the crazy DJ you hired to play your own wedding. Be aware of your tendency to keep pointing the spotlight back at you. If you are ever in doubt: talk less, listen more. You’re not going to offend anyone by showing a genuine interest in her life.

Some people don’t talk enough. You know who you are.

But under-talking isn’t the problem so much as over-listening. Next time your neighbor catches you at the mailbox and wants to tell you all about his latest lawnmower purchase, make an excuse and get the hell out of there. Or next time your co-worker insists on giving you a blow-by-blow of his latest fishing trip, at least give yourself permission to check out mentally. Smile and nod while you plan your grocery list. Resist your tendency to be polite and engage. You’re absolutely allowed to say, “I’m sorry, I really hate to cut you off, but I’m running way behind today.” Maybe you don’t exactly want the spotlight pointed at you all the time, but that doesn’t mean you have to provide an audience for those who do.

About the Author: James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.

Jonathan Anderson 1 year ago

I have known James for over twenty years and wholeheartedly vouch for him as an exceptional therapist and business coach. He is one of the most intelligent and compassionate people I have seen in my 25 years as a mental health provider and corporate coach. James has a remarkable talent for identifying and leveraging individuals' natural strengths, crafting interventions that empower rather than foster dependency on therapy. Beyond his professional skill, James incorporates a disarming sense of humor, creating an atmosphere where clients feel at ease.

James is talented therapist who works confidently with depression, anxiety and trauma, and who particularly excels as a couples therapist and business/corporate coach. He has a unique ability to help couples build skills that provide insight and connection while still challenging each person to manage issues in their "blind spots.”

His skill with relationship building extends to business relationships, leadership and growth. A business owner himself, James' insight into how companies evolve and thrive allows entrepreneurs to quickly understand what is needed thrive and how to incorporate those strategies.

James has owned and managed Dallas Whole Life for over 20 years and he ensures a commitment to excellence by assembling a team of top-tier mental health professionals that includes counselors, psychologists and coaches. Dallas Whole Life is a well-respected practice in the DFW area and has been featured in the Dallas Morning News, and several local and national tv and radio media outlets.

I do not hesitate to refer people to Dallas Whole Life for their virtual therapy and coaching needs.

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Kristen O'Neill 3 year ago

This is a wonderful practice and I consider myself very lucky to have found them. I saw James for a while out of network and he was worth his weight in gold. I truly appreciated the methods used as they really did help me to grow. James was perfectly compassionate and direct and I would highly recommend him to anyone.

Dallas Wholelife Counseling 4 year ago

I would like to say after working in this field for a while I absolutely love working at Dallas Whole Life , the owners Dr Heather and James Robbins actually care about connecting you with the right therapists , so your needs are met. , They are definitely in this business to help others. Our therapists are the best ! I cant say enough about the therapists , the owners and the difference we want to make , Its a great place to be !!!! Betsy Carter

Donald James Wall 4 year ago

Dallas Whole Life Counseling, has been a useful resource for me. In offering online appointments, Dallas Whole Life makes practicing mindfulness simple. Steve is the associate I speak with and he's as dynamic as he is resourceful. I highly recommend the Dallas Whole Life experience.

Tina Dunne 7 year ago

I have had an excellent experience with Steve Reedy. What initially began as couples' therapy transitioned into personal therapy that helped me address deep-seated issues that have negatively impacted my life for many years. Steve wasn't confrontational and didn't lecture me what my issues were. Instead, he helped lead me until I had those "ah ha" moments of self discovery. As a result of Steve''s counseling, I have a whole new, positive attitude about myself, which has changed the way I interact with others as well. Pursuing counseling with Steve has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my life journey. I wholeheartedly recommend Steve.

Nicolette Mechem 11 year ago

I have been a client of both James and Heather Robbins for 4 years now. Initially, I sought therapy to address a difficult situation at the time. However, my experience was so positive that I have continued on as a client. I would say that without a doubt the advice and council I have received has improved the quality of my life significantly. James and Heather have a demeanor and style that is extremely versatile and appealing to all. In fact, when I got engaged I encouraged my fiance start seeing James. My fiance was not a believer in therapy and had never been to see a psychologist before. He found Jame's advice to be so impactful that he now has a regular appointment with him and looks forward to their conversations.
It is a unique offering to be able to get couple's therapy from a very happily married couple. My fiance and I are very appreciative of all the help James and Heather have given our relationship.

Some people talk too much. You know who you are.

Some people don’t talk enough. You know who you are.

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