Your mother guilts you into attending a family function. Your boss guilts you into working late. What does it mean to be guilted into something?
When you do something out of guilt, you’re not doing anyone any favors. Anything done out of guilt leads to resentment. Period. So when you loan your best friend money out of guilt, you are really deciding to be quietly, yet indefinitely, resentful toward this person. What’s the other option? The other option is to deal with your anger directly, in the moment, so it doesn’t fester and turn into deep resentment. If it makes you angry when someone asks you for something–and even if this anger is at a subtle level–then I suggest you confront this feeling directly. Do not attend the family function. Do not work late. But in making this choice, realize a more direct–and thereby healthier–conflict with your mother, your boss, whomever, will likely result.
Another person can guilt you into something only to the degree that you fear direct conflict. This means the guilt-inducing person isn’t your problem. Your problem is your fear of confrontation. Until you deal with this fear head-on, you will be susceptible, again and again, to being manipulated by guilt.
