People tend to confuse taking responsibility with accepting shame and guilt. What’s the difference? Recognizing Consequences Taking responsibility is about self-awareness. You admit to yourself that some action you’ve taken has led to pain and suffering for you or someone else. When you realize fire burns your hand, and when you can admit you keep putting your hand […]
Are You Selfless or Selfish?
From a certain perspective, everything you do is selfish. Why do you do something “nice” for someone? Maybe you expect something in return. Maybe you’d feel guilty or socially awkward if you didn’t do it. Or maybe it just makes you feel good to do something nice. Whatever the case, you’re doing something because it somehow […]
Who’s Winning Your Relationship?
Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no […]
Overcoming Guilt
Your mother guilts you into attending a family function. Your boss guilts you into working late. What does it mean to be guilted into something? When you do something out of guilt, you’re not doing anyone any favors. Anything done out of guilt leads to resentment. Period. So when you loan your best friend money […]
Who Wins the Power Struggle?
Most close relationships are sabotaged to one degree or another by power struggles. This is especially true when it comes to family and romantic partners. A power struggle is focused on winning–even when “winning” requires self-defeating behaviors. You prefer Tex-Mex food, your partner prefers Italian. But the two of you rarely go out for Tex-Mex, because […]
