When you blame yourself, you experience it as guilt. When you blame someone else, you experience it as resentment. Guilt and resentment are equally exhausting and self-defeating. Both arise from the human tendency to oversimplify events, to assume suffering is caused by some identifiable human mistake or poor decision.
You only feel guilty to the degree that you blame others. You only blame others to the degree that you feel guilty.
Next time you find yourself marinating in guilt, ask yourself a difficult question:
Who do you tend to blame in your life?Do you have some go-to person you habitually associate with your own suffering?Your boss, your parents, your romantic partner?
If only this person had not done such and such, your life would be better right now.
Negative feelings cannot survive the simple light of awareness. If you can simply recognize your automatic tendencies toward blaming and resentment–and especially if you can do so in the moment these feelings arise–your feelings of guilt will immediately begin to loosen their grip.
About the Author: James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.
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