My wife and I recently celebrated our 22nd Anniversary. (10 years of dating, 12 years of marriage.) We’ve been through a lot over these two-plus decades—and really, who hasn’t? But this much is certain: We now enjoy more peacefulness, passion and spiritual connection within our relationship than ever before. So what’s our secret?
First, we consistently and unflinchingly prioritize our relationship above everything else. And I mean everything. Career, family, friends, even physical health—these take a decided backseat to our relationship. When faced with any major life decision, the first thing I consider is how my choices might affect my marriage.
Second, we no longer play the Blame Game. When I am annoyed with my wife, I don’t spend too much time trying to sort out why she is being annoying. Neither do I spend much energy wondering if there is some way I can better shape or manipulate her out of whatever annoying behavior. Rather, I ask myself, “What insecurity in me is my wife triggering right now? What annoying aspect of myself is she reflecting back to me?” Because Heather can’t push my buttons if I no longer have buttons.