I have a lousy clothes dryer. When I load it with wet towels, they tumble around for hours and hours, but nothing especially useful happens. The anxious mind works like this. Worrisome thoughts spin round and round, round and round, but they never really get “dry.” More thinking is rarely the answer. Identifying Categories Anxious… CONTINUE
Learning from Two Kinds of Teachers
Learning is a lifelong process. Much of what you learn, you learn from other people. Throughout your life, you will encounter two kinds of teachers: subject area teachers and Big Picture teachers. Subject Area Teachers Suppose you are passionate about baking pies. So you seek out a subject area mentor. You find someone who has… CONTINUE
What Can You Learn from Your Best (and Worst) Relationships?
I had a cat who compulsively pawed at her own shadow on the wall. Sometimes this habit seemed to entertain her. Sometimes it seemed to frighten her. The thing was, however frantically she pawed at that shadow, it pawed back just as frantically. My cat never seemed to figure out that the only way to… CONTINUE
Making Peace with Your Choices
You have a day off from your stressful job. Part of you wants to spend the day at the park relaxing. The other part of you feels like you should stay home and clean out your garage. So you go to the park, but the whole time you’re thinking you should have stayed home to… CONTINUE
Three Keys to Practicing Forgiveness
When a loved one hurts you or betrays your trust, it can be extremely difficult to extend forgiveness. True forgiveness isn’t about “being the better person.” In fact, anything that puts you in a one up position relative to the other person is the opposite of forgiveness. What are the keys to genuinely forgiving someone… CONTINUE
Mindfulness, Wine and Sweaty Socks
Back when I drank, I enjoyed learning about wine. One of the keys to appreciating wine is learning to recognize and describe its various aromas. Some wines have “notes” you would expect. Vanilla, almonds, black cherries. And some wines have notes you would not expect. Sweaty socks, tar, wet Pomeranian. Believe it or not, some… CONTINUE
Zen and the Art of Doubting
Most people like to think of themselves as open-minded. Yet the vast majority of people are anything but. Why is this? The Imperfect Circle There is a sacred symbol associated with Zen. Enso (formally spelled ensō) is an incomplete circle, traditionally drawn with a single spontaneous brushstroke. Enso can be interpreted in a lot of… CONTINUE
When in Doubt, Choose Connectedness
Like it or not, you are connected at an intimate biological level with everyone that comes across your path. Suppose I find myself on an elevator with a stranger. Maybe I’m feeling stressed that day, so my breathing is faster, more shallow. I’m nervously shifting from foot to foot. Studies show that this tends to… CONTINUE
Recognizing and Treating Depression
Suppose you have a pebble in your shoe. Despite this nagging distraction, you try your best to make your life work. You get a massage, drink a margarita, fall in love, win the lottery. You do what you do, but still there is this pebble in your shoe. Now suppose you’ve always had a pebble… CONTINUE
Mindful Eating, Mindful Living
Mindful eating isn’t so much about what you’re eating. It’s how you go about eating it. When my wife and I lived in the Netherlands, going out to eat was initially a little uncomfortable. Amsterdam is a small city, so space is tight. Many restaurants seated us practically should-to-shoulder with complete strangers. Coming form the… CONTINUE
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