Show Appreciation — Even if You Have to Fake it at First

by James Robbins, M.A., LPC

If you’re in a serious romantic relationship and you’re not complimenting your partner every day, you’re missing the low-hanging fruit. Relationships are hard work, but this part can be easy–if you let it.

 
So your spouse can’t keep a job. This is a problem. But your spouse also makes the world’s best lasagna. This isn’t a problem. Complimenting your spouse’s lasagna isn’t a sign of weakness or “giving in.” Telling your spouse he’s a genius with lasagna doesn’t mean you’re saying ” . . . and because of that, I’m perfectly okay with you never holding a job for more than 6 months.”

 
Positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement. This is a scientific fact. Praising your kid for bringing home an A simply works better than yelling at her for bringing home a D. Negative reinforcement has its place, but only when used alongside positive encouragement.
If you’re frustrated with your child, or thinking about leaving your romantic partner, you may not feel a lot of gratitude toward them. Express it anyway.

 

Appreciating your life, and the imperfect people in it, is a habit you have to cultivate. Say “thank you” to the rude waiter when he brings you a cup of coffee. Leave a lousy tip if you want, but at least verbally recognize when someone does something to make your life just a little bit easier–even when they do it with a bad attitude.

 

Here’s a few phrases you might want to use more often:

 

• Thanks for working so hard every day.
• You look great.
• I really appreciate your picking up the groceries.
• Thanks for getting the car repaired.
• I really enjoy having breakfast with you every morning.
• I’ve noticed you speaking in a calm voice lately, and I really appreciate it.
• You’re really responsible with money.
• You’re always on time, and I admire that.

 

About the Author: James Robbins is a licensed professional counselor, published author and co-owner of Dallas Whole Life Counseling. He has over 15 years of experience helping people in various life stages that come from a wide variety of cultural, economic and family backgrounds. Learn more about his background by clicking here.