It’s not easy to communicate negative feedback in a helpful way. Many people err by going too far in one direction or another. Maybe you go “too soft,” tending to altogether avoid giving negative feedback. Your waiter brings you the wrong dish, but you decide to eat it anyway because you don’t want to cause… CONTINUE
How to Avoid Resentment in Relationships
There are many issues that can lead to the demise of a relationship: lack of trust, money problems, infidelity, the list goes on. But one of the most common relationship killers is resentment — and this is often something we can control. Resentment is the bitter emotion that forms when we feel wronged, or… CONTINUE
The Key to Happiness Is Closer Than You Think
As a therapist, I often ask myself a fundamental question: Is there some essential trait or circumstance that my happiest, most well-adjusted clients have in common? It’s certainly not financial success or professional accomplishments. It’s not religious affiliation, or lack thereof. It’s not physical beauty or even health. It’s not having a big supportive family or being… CONTINUE
Why Do People Choose the Wrong Romantic Partners?
“Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member.” When comedian Groucho Marx wrote this, he was expressing a peculiar, yet very common, human trait. A lot of individuals reflexively distrust people that truly appreciate them. As a therapist, I see this a lot… CONTINUE
Couples Counseling: Getting More from Your Partner
by James Robbins, Licensed Counselor and Relationship Expert Couples generally come to couples counseling wanting more from their partner. Maybe you want more quality time, more trust, more physical intimacy, more positive feedback. Whatever you’re wanting more of, you’ve probably expressed this to your partner time and again, in different words and with a variety… CONTINUE
Balancing Your Relationship
In most romantic relationships, there are two roles: the pursuer and the pursued. When these roles are out of balance, the relationship suffers. The pursuer wants more togetherness. She wants more quality time with her partner, more communication, more physical and emotional closeness. She wants more commitment, and often feels she isn’t the main priority… CONTINUE
You Get What You Give – Finding Happiness in Your Relationship
You want more from your romantic partner in your relationship. More time, more attention, more respect, more love, more understanding. How do you get your romantic partner to give you more of what you need and want? You give your partner more of what he or she needs and wants. Most couples go in the… CONTINUE
Should You Go Above and Beyond in Your Interactions?
Used to be when I sat down for a haircut, I’d feel the need to make small talk. I’m not the biggest fan of small talk — but I felt an unspoken obligation to somehow entertain the person cutting my hair. So I’d compulsively chat about the weather, lawn care, freeway traffic patterns, whatever, until the… CONTINUE
Who’s Winning Your Relationship?
Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no… CONTINUE
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be… CONTINUE
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