You want more from your romantic partner in your relationship. More time, more attention, more respect, more love, more understanding. How do you get your romantic partner to give you more of what you need and want? You give your partner more of what he or she needs and wants. Most couples go in the… CONTINUE
Should You Go Above and Beyond in Your Interactions?
Used to be when I sat down for a haircut, I’d feel the need to make small talk. I’m not the biggest fan of small talk — but I felt an unspoken obligation to somehow entertain the person cutting my hair. So I’d compulsively chat about the weather, lawn care, freeway traffic patterns, whatever, until the… CONTINUE
Who’s Winning Your Relationship?
Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no… CONTINUE
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be… CONTINUE
Do Opposites Attract?
People are often drawn to romantic partners that balance their own qualities in some way. For example, if you are a spontaneous person, you may be attracted to someone who is especially structured. If you are a chronic worrier, you may be attracted to someone who is especially calm. In this sense, opposites often attract…. CONTINUE
Dealing with Repeated Cheating and Infidelity
Every “serial cheater” requires a “serial truster.” If your partner is repeatedly unfaithful, feeling like a victim won’t get you anywhere. Neither will looking the other way again and again. You don’t get points for ignoring the obvious. Looking the other way doesn’t make you generous or kind–it just makes you avoidant of the truth…. CONTINUE
What is Active Listening?
As a general rule, being a good listener will do more for you than being a good talker. One key to effective listening is using reflective, or mirroring statements. Suppose you call your credit card company to dispute a charge. The customer service rep does not immediately say, “We apologize for our mistake, as we… CONTINUE
Managing Family and Independence
Should you take your parents’ advice? That depends. Before you answer this question, ask yourself another: How well do you really know your parents? It’s perfectly natural and healthy to go through a phase of feeling like your father is Superman or your mother is Wonder Woman. You idealize your parents in childhood because you… CONTINUE
Is There an Upside to Anger?
If you could wave a magic wand and remove all your anger, would you? In my clinical experience, I hear a lot of people say they would like to be less angry. At the same time, many of these people resist concrete steps that would actually reduce their anger. How do you benefit from your anger? Do… CONTINUE
Working Through Family Conflict
There is your family-of-origin, your parents and siblings. Then there is the family you choose, your romantic partner and kids. If you belong to both of these groups, you will inevitably find yourself caught between the two at some point. More often than not, I encourage my clients to align with their chosen family when tensions… CONTINUE
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