When you’re in kindergarten and you behave well or you accomplish some task you get a gold star. In and of themselves, these gold stars are worthless. But they’re shiny, they represent your teacher’s approval and — perhaps most importantly — you stick them to a prominently displayed chart for your fellow students to see. […]
Anything But That
In the 90’s there was a popular song by the artist Meatloaf. I must have heard this song a hundred times, but I only remember one lyric: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. As a therapist, I often find myself having “anything but that” discussions. My clients often say things like: […]
Can You Trust Yourself?
Trust yourself. It’s easy to say, hard to do. This is because self-trust has to be earned. How does anyone earn your trust? Is it by always getting things right? Probably not. It’s not mistakes that cause you to mistrust someone. It’s his lying about those mistakes, his covering of tracks. You don’t even have […]
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be […]
Anxiety, Relaxation and Focus
What’s the least helpful thing you can say to someone who is stressed and anxious? Just relax. Telling someone who is stressed to relax is like telling someone who wants to win the race to run faster. Obviously, if an anxious person could relax in that moment, she would do just that. And oftentimes, the harder […]
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