Used to be when I sat down for a haircut, I’d feel the need to make small talk. I’m not the biggest fan of small talk — but I felt an unspoken obligation to somehow entertain the person cutting my hair. So I’d compulsively chat about the weather, lawn care, freeway traffic patterns, whatever, until the […]
Who’s Winning Your Relationship?
Romantic relationships tend to revolve around power struggles. Even when you manage to resolve a longstanding issue–sex, money, parenting, in-laws, quality time, whatever–another one tends to pop up to take its place. This is because power struggles aren’t really about particular content so much as the need to be right, the need to win. Ultimately, no […]
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be […]
Do Opposites Attract?
People are often drawn to romantic partners that balance their own qualities in some way. For example, if you are a spontaneous person, you may be attracted to someone who is especially structured. If you are a chronic worrier, you may be attracted to someone who is especially calm. In this sense, opposites often attract. […]
Dealing with Repeated Cheating and Infidelity
Every “serial cheater” requires a “serial truster.” If your partner is repeatedly unfaithful, feeling like a victim won’t get you anywhere. Neither will looking the other way again and again. You don’t get points for ignoring the obvious. Looking the other way doesn’t make you generous or kind–it just makes you avoidant of the truth. […]
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