Trust yourself. It’s easy to say, hard to do. This is because self-trust has to be earned. How does anyone earn your trust? Is it by always getting things right? Probably not. It’s not mistakes that cause you to mistrust someone. It’s his lying about those mistakes, his covering of tracks. You don’t even have […]
What Comes Around
“Everything that a man does, good or evil, he does it to himself.” — Friar Giles My years in the therapist chair have made one thing clear: No one gets away with anything. When you cause someone else to suffer, you also suffer. When someone causes you suffering, he causes himself suffering. This may not always be […]
Anxiety, Relaxation and Focus
What’s the least helpful thing you can say to someone who is stressed and anxious? Just relax. Telling someone who is stressed to relax is like telling someone who wants to win the race to run faster. Obviously, if an anxious person could relax in that moment, she would do just that. And oftentimes, the harder […]
Are You Fooling Yourself?
I’m so over it. Anyone who say this is, by definition, not over it. Therapists call this a reaction formation. Suppose you start a new job, only to discover your new boss is kind of an obvious jerk. But now you’re stuck with this guy. So maybe you do your best to convince yourself you admire his arrogance or enjoy his “colorful” […]
Suffering is Optional
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not. What’s the difference? You stub your toe. A wave of unpleasant physical sensation radiates from your toe, up your leg, and out your mouth in the form of a colorful exclamation. The whole things is over within seconds. This is pain. But then your internal dialogue starts up. You […]
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