As a general rule, being a good listener will do more for you than being a good talker. One key to effective listening is using reflective, or mirroring statements. Suppose you call your credit card company to dispute a charge. The customer service rep does not immediately say, “We apologize for our mistake, as we […]
Managing Family and Independence
Should you take your parents’ advice? That depends. Before you answer this question, ask yourself another: How well do you really know your parents? It’s perfectly natural and healthy to go through a phase of feeling like your father is Superman or your mother is Wonder Woman. You idealize your parents in childhood because you […]
Is There an Upside to Anger?
If you could wave a magic wand and remove all your anger, would you? In my clinical experience, I hear a lot of people say they would like to be less angry. At the same time, many of these people resist concrete steps that would actually reduce their anger. How do you benefit from your anger? Do […]
Working Through Family Conflict
There is your family-of-origin, your parents and siblings. Then there is the family you choose, your romantic partner and kids. If you belong to both of these groups, you will inevitably find yourself caught between the two at some point. More often than not, I encourage my clients to align with their chosen family when tensions […]
Is Your Belief System Working For You?
You have your own ideas about religion and politics. You have your own definition of honor, fairness, courage, authenticity. You have your personal philosophy regarding relationships, career and family. You have your own belief system. But how do you know if this belief system is really working? After all, a belief system is only as effective as the thoughts, feelings and behaviors […]
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