1. He describes himself as a “momma’s boy.” She describes herself as a “daddy’s girl.” 2. He or she is married or “in the process of divorcing” when you begin dating. 3. This person complains often. Bad boss, crazy ex, selfish friends, whatever. Date this person long enough, and you will certainly find yourself added to […]
You Are Not Your Stuff
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC What does the stuff you own say about you? Not much. Imagine if everyone wore exactly the same standard-issue jumpsuit. Everyone was given the exact same car to drive, an identical copy of the same home to live in. You couldn’t “express yourself” via these objects. You couldn’t display your social status or […]
What’s the Best Way to Influence Your Romantic Partner?
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC When we don’t get what we want from our romantic partner, we tend to punish him or her. It’s our way of “training” our partner to better meet our wants and needs. We withhold sex and affection. We become emotionally unavailable, spend more time at the office. We criticize, complain, […]
Scheduling Bad Behavior
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC When are you next scheduled to misbehave? And by “misbehave,” I mean drink too much, eat too much, lie to your spouse, lose your temper–whatever bad habits you’re trying to work through. Probably you don’t have these items on your official “to do” list. Yet, they still get done, and […]
Letting Go of Guilt
by James Robbins, M.A., LPC When you blame yourself, you experience it as guilt. When you blame someone else, you experience it as resentment. Guilt and resentment are equally exhausting and self-defeating. Both arise from the human tendency to oversimplify events, to assume suffering is caused by some identifiable human mistake or poor decision. You only feel guilty to […]
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