If you’ve ever watched a show like Pawn Stars or Antique Roadshow, you’re familiar with this scene: Someone brings in what he thinks to be a priceless family heirloom, only to learn it’s a cheap trinket his grandfather bought at a gas station. Some people accept this new information and get on with their lives…. CONTINUE
How Do You Find What You’re Looking For?
You come home from a long day, sit down on the couch and relax into some television. A couple of hours later, you realize you’ve misplaced your car keys. You assume they must be in the couch. You dig around beneath the cushions. You lift up the couch and poke your head underneath. Still no… CONTINUE
Predicting Your Next A-Ha Moment
From time to time you have a-ha moments. You can’t exactly make them happen. You can’t necessarily avoid them. There’s an element of surprise, of sudden understanding–hence a-ha! Suppose you’re confused about how modern lighting works. You think that a magic spell makes your light bulb turn on when you flip the switch. Then someone… CONTINUE
Want to Drink Less Alcohol? Making Lasting Changes by Crowding Out.
Crowd out, don’t cut out. This is a core strategy of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It’s a way of facilitating positive change in your life, especially when it comes to letting go of unwanted habits. Suppose I say to you, “Do whatever you’d like, just don’t think about a red-eyed polar bear.” Now all… CONTINUE
What is Mindfulness?
You have three types of voices in your head: observing, craving, judging. You eat some cake and you notice, this cake is moist. This is your observing voice. Then you think, where can I get more of this delicious cake? This is your craving voice. Three slices of cake later, you conclude I ate too much cake, which means… CONTINUE
Working with Anxiety
What’s your pet mental fixation? Money worries? Health concerns? Anger at your spouse? Frustration with your boss? This fussy internal voice chatters at you all day, making noise when you’re stopped at a red light, standing in line at the grocery store, or lying in bed tossing and turning. Chronically visiting and revisiting whatever pet… CONTINUE
Holidays, Family and Personal Responsibility
With the holidays fast approaching, family is likely on your mind. Maybe you look forward to spending time with your family, and maybe you dread it. Therapists talk a lot about dysfunctional families – but at one level, there is no such thing. There are only dysfunctional individuals. Your problem isn’t your crazy family. It’s… CONTINUE
The Wisdom of Uncertainty
“I don’t know.” There is incredible power and creative potential in these three little words. Yet it’s in human nature to avoid them like the bubonic plague. By the age of 25, I felt I’d looked into most of life’s Big Questions and come away with some definite answers. By the age of 35, I’d… CONTINUE
Growing Beyond the Gold Star Mentality
When you’re in kindergarten and you behave well or you accomplish some task you get a gold star. In and of themselves, these gold stars are worthless. But they’re shiny, they represent your teacher’s approval and — perhaps most importantly — you stick them to a prominently displayed chart for your fellow students to see…. CONTINUE
Anything But That
In the 90’s there was a popular song by the artist Meatloaf. I must have heard this song a hundred times, but I only remember one lyric: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. As a therapist, I often find myself having “anything but that” discussions. My clients often say things like:… CONTINUE